A good friend of mine called me. After his return from duty in Iraq, some three years ago, my friend was having some problems, and he had many mixed emotions about what he was feeling, and how he was reacting to them.
Without the details, which are his private matter, they are not new. ANYONE who has been to war, knows the effects of those experiences last a lifetime. While the experiences greatly vary, as does the effects on the lives of those haunted by the memories, Post Traumatic Stress has been going on for Veterans for generations.
As we read the daily news, we know of the costs of freedom by the death toll. There is easy access to the "count", and most relate those numbers as the cost. But the real cost goes far beyond those brave men and women, they extend to those who come home, those who come home with fewer parts than when they left our shores. Those parts, include part of their soul. And while not as visible to the passer-by, that part, that part that permitted them beforehand to enjoy life to the fullest, is often gone forever. It is not to be underestimated, that cost to those who serve.
Most of us (or, permit me to say, most of YOU), enjoy some pretty simple things, without any thought of those things being anything else. Confused? Let me try to explain, using my own limited experiences.
You sit in a theater, enjoying a movie, and afterward, return to your routine. You enjoyed the movie and popcorn. You went on with what ever you wanted to do.
You come home from work, walk in the house, and smell food cooking on the stove, thinking of how good that meal will taste.
You lay in bed on a nice spring night, listening to the rain fall. The spring grass smells sweet.
You and your family go to the zoo, enjoying the many, including the Asian, exhibits.
You take your family to your community's Memorial Day parade and watch as the Flag passes by.
Come summer, you and your family take in the community fireworks display, in celebration of the 4th of July.
To most, these are everyday events, and nothing is really felt or happens to you, beyond the event itself. And there's nothing wrong with that. It is all part of the American experience, part of the many freedoms we have.
But for thousands of Veterans, from all of our wars, those events are NOT the same. The sights, sounds, smells, and feelings that are simply enjoyed by most people, can sometimes send the Vet back to times past, and to the very experiences that inflicted painful memories.
Let me also say, that the PTSD effect can come upon those civilians who experience traumatic experiences from auto accidents, or as crime victims, or from natural disasters. I don't at all mean to minimize their lasting pain. But, for this discussion, I will focus on the war veteran, who very often experienced traumatic events over and over again, repeated many times during the course of their "tour of duty".
For this Veteran of Vietnam, I can attest to my own reflections, and from those of close friends who also served in other theaters of war, and in many capacities. And I can tell you that sights, sounds, feels, and smells, can set me off on any one of a number of directions. In some cases, I may just get moody, or be sad, or feel the urge to flee an area, or get angry. In some cases, I just may feel an overwhelming need to just cry.
May I add this important note. This is NOT limited to "combat" Vets. In our current War on Terror (Obama won't call it that, but it is.), we have seen everyone in that theater of operations become victims of bombings and shootings. In my war, there were doctors and nurses and supply clerks and mess-hall staff, who were also victims. How many of those support personnel were traumatized by what they went through or saw? You didn't, and don't have to, carry a rifle to be affected by the horror of war.
For those around me, they may have no idea I am going through anything. In some cases, some may see me act differently than just moments before. For those very close to me, they may see me get angry, or sad, or moody, or break down and cry.
And then, I may get feelings of anger at myself, for feeling this way. I may get upset that I "let it get to me". Add to that, the same feelings nearly 40 years later! "Shouldn't I be over this by now?" "Am I just being a pussy?" "Why the hell am I still feeling this way?"
In talking to other Vets, these feelings are NOT unusual. Not at all. Most of us bury then. But some days, some smell, some sound, some sight, just catches me off-guard, and I find myself back in time. A cold sweat, a chill, a feeling of the blood leaving my hands and face, and feeling of sadness. All of that can come without warning. And it can mess up my day, maybe a couple days.
Why do I bring all this up? Why now? Because, a good friend is going through all this, and I wish I could help. I wish people could understand. I wish HIS wound were more visible, so people could "see", could understand, his pain. While it does not reach the level felt by the families of those killed, or by those who feel the physical pains every minute of every day, my friend's pain is real. And just like those who die, and those who get wounded in such traumatic ways, it too is the cost of freedom for us all.
Those who walk free each day, owe such freedom to the thousands of freedom fighters our nation has had sacrifice for us. And to my friend...You are NOT alone. I thank you for your service, and your friendship. I'm here...anytime of day or night....just give me a call.
