My wife and I were in a business the other day, and one of the clerks had such a scowl on her face, and was anything but friendly.
Last month, I was helping some older folks, and one of the men was being a real pain. He was short with those trying to help him, and was being very demanding about things that couldn't be helped.
Not long ago, I was waited on at a popular restaurant by a young woman who looked like she didn't want to be there, and treated me and a couple other guys like we were a bother to be there for lunch.
My wife has often asked ME, "What's wrong?", even though there wasn't anything that I knew of going on with me at the time. She would say that I had this "look", a scowl on my face.
All this made me think about people we run onto. People that leave us with a negative impression, and being rude to us, seemingly without cause. So why are some people that way? Maybe, just maybe, there is an underlying reason, and its not just to be rude.
The first woman I referred to, I have no idea what was wrong with her. But her "customer service" skills were totally lacking, compared to the two other people working around her. So why was she acting that way? I can't say, but will offer this up for consideration.
Maybe she was in emotional pain. Perhaps she had bad news before going to work. Maybe she was just tired (she appeared to be retirement age), and wished she was home. We can't know, but we need to think about what it could be like to walk a mile in her shoes!
The older man? He's a WWII Veteran, who saw combat during the Battle of the Bulge. Anyone knowing a little history will know that awful battle cost the United States military alone over 19,000 lives. Add to that, this man could not get around unassisted, and his children were not there to see him off. Walk a mile in HIS shoes!
The young waitress seemed distracted. Was she a single mother with kids at home, and couldn't be there with them? Any kids at home sick, while she had to work? Did she just have a bad break-up? No way to know, but people go around all the time with heavier burdens than many of us. Sometimes, those burdens are so heavy, its hard for them to not grimace under the weight that we can't see. To walk a mile in her shoes, would be the only way to know for sure.
I've been in combat, like hundreds of thousands of other guys during the Vietnam War. In some ways, I've had an underlying scowl on my face ever since. Add to that, the perfected a Cop's stare I had for many years, adding to the scowl. No excuses, and not asking anyone to walk in my shoes, but when I don't know it, I let the scowl show, and lead other people (sorry Honey!) to believe something is wrong. Most times, it's a less than conscious thought that shows on my face. Sometimes, and over the years its less frequent, it is a passing remembrance that seeps its pain outwardly.
All over the place, people carry burdens, and worries, and experiences, and can sometimes let that effect our interactions with others in a negative way. I know I need to work on my own issues. But what we can ALL do, is give other people a pass. Maybe even offer a kind word or gesture, when that's the last thing you might want to do under the circumstances.
Try it. I have, when I take the time to recognize the need. And watch the surprise on their face, when in spite of themselves, someone treats them better than the way they were treating others. (Most likely, they didn't even know.) Maybe, just maybe, that little gesture could redirect their day. It costs nothing to do really. And if it doesn't change anything, then you can go about your business, knowing you at least you didn't add to that person's burden.
A smile, a kind word, and gesture of good will, might just go a long way. Since we really can't walk a mile in other people's shoes, its the least we can do. And it costs nothing. (I would also suggest, the gesture might even up your own mood!)
Friday, November 22, 2013
Friday, November 8, 2013
Giving to others
Are you a giving person? Do you have a soft spot for some people and/or causes? My wife and I do.
In many ways, I can be very hard hearted. I don't have a lot of patience for selfish, self-centered people. I have none for bad people and predators! But for some things/people/causes, we can be generous (when we are financially able), and that also means in labor when needed. My wife and I give to dog-related and Veterans causes mostly. We just feel compelled to help in those areas.
Recently, after local flooding, a young man who was recently discharged from the Marines, lost everything in the flood. His wife was in the hospital, being treated for large gash on her leg from flood debris. And, he lost his recently trained "service dog". The dog also had a backpack on, with this young Marine's wallet, keys, and cellphone in it. The dog had been swept away from him in the flood waters, and he needed help trying to find the dog, named "Stash". ("Stash" was named because of the dark band of hair above it lip.) He had gone to the local Red Cross for some temporary help, when another Vet friend of mine called me and asked if I was available to help.
So I drove up to Austin and met with the young Marine, named Kelly. After some exchanges, I drove him to the animal shelter in hopes the dog had been turned in. He hadn't been, yet. The dog was "chipped", but the info on the chip would direct any calls to Kelly's cellphone, which was with the dog, and likely ruined by flood waters. Kelly couldn't even get back to his house, as the flood water was keeping people out, and the Police were keeping everyone away from the hardest hit homes. To make matters worse, Kelly and his wife, had spend their last $6,700 of their savings, to have the house remodeled before they moved in. Kelly wouldn't get his last government check for another week or so. No money, no phone, no family nearby, and little solace from the limited help of the Red Cross.
This young man was in real need, so I then took him to buy a pre-paid cellphone, so he could at least make calls and receive calls about the dog, if it was found. I then took him to the hospital to check on his wife. Kelly told me that the hospital had already told him he could sleep there on a sofa until his wife's released.
By then, I had already talked to my wife, and we decided to make this case our donation for the month, so I handed Kelly some cash, telling him it was a "gift" to help him and his wife out a little, until the Red Cross and his homeowners insurance could pick thing up for him. Kelly thanked me profusely, and went into the hospital to check on his wife. As I was leaving, I told him that I hoped his wife was okay, and to call me if he found his dog.
There's more to this whole story, but here's the thing. Kelly, as I learned a few days later from another source, was a complete fraud. He was NO Marine, had NO flooded home, had NO wife in the hospital, and had NO dog either. It was all an elaborate ruse to fraud the Red Cross, while 100's of people were flooded out and really needed help. It just happened that one of my Veteran buddies was there to help the Red Cross, and after talking to "Kelly", this guy developed more of his ruse to fit out veterans association's motto, Vets Helping Vets.
We were taken in by this fraud. Ex-cop and all, I was taken in by the elaborate story, and the belief that he was a recently discharged Marine. No ID to verify anything, and no family in the area to help. It just didn't seem right to turn another "Veteran" away in a time of need, and there was no way under the circumstances to verify anything.
So this month, our usual "donation" to a worthy cause, was sidelined by that con-artist. As my wife and discussed the whole thing, we had "given from the heart", with no expectation of anything in return. The way we saw it, its on that kid and God to work out what ever happens to him next. We gave, more as being the "right thing to do", and not for anything else, so we just can't look back with regret. Regret, that could cause us to not "give" again. On this time, we got burned. But we will not be thwarted from doing what we feel is right the next time.
To us, "giving" is just the right thing for us to do for those in need, or to those entities who care for "service dogs" and/or Veterans. As for people like Kelly? We will do what we can to better screen for such fraudulent people. We'll let God work things out with "Kelly". Who knows, as wrong as it was for him to con the Red Cross and us, he may just have bigger problems than we know.
In many ways, I can be very hard hearted. I don't have a lot of patience for selfish, self-centered people. I have none for bad people and predators! But for some things/people/causes, we can be generous (when we are financially able), and that also means in labor when needed. My wife and I give to dog-related and Veterans causes mostly. We just feel compelled to help in those areas.
Recently, after local flooding, a young man who was recently discharged from the Marines, lost everything in the flood. His wife was in the hospital, being treated for large gash on her leg from flood debris. And, he lost his recently trained "service dog". The dog also had a backpack on, with this young Marine's wallet, keys, and cellphone in it. The dog had been swept away from him in the flood waters, and he needed help trying to find the dog, named "Stash". ("Stash" was named because of the dark band of hair above it lip.) He had gone to the local Red Cross for some temporary help, when another Vet friend of mine called me and asked if I was available to help.
So I drove up to Austin and met with the young Marine, named Kelly. After some exchanges, I drove him to the animal shelter in hopes the dog had been turned in. He hadn't been, yet. The dog was "chipped", but the info on the chip would direct any calls to Kelly's cellphone, which was with the dog, and likely ruined by flood waters. Kelly couldn't even get back to his house, as the flood water was keeping people out, and the Police were keeping everyone away from the hardest hit homes. To make matters worse, Kelly and his wife, had spend their last $6,700 of their savings, to have the house remodeled before they moved in. Kelly wouldn't get his last government check for another week or so. No money, no phone, no family nearby, and little solace from the limited help of the Red Cross.
This young man was in real need, so I then took him to buy a pre-paid cellphone, so he could at least make calls and receive calls about the dog, if it was found. I then took him to the hospital to check on his wife. Kelly told me that the hospital had already told him he could sleep there on a sofa until his wife's released.
By then, I had already talked to my wife, and we decided to make this case our donation for the month, so I handed Kelly some cash, telling him it was a "gift" to help him and his wife out a little, until the Red Cross and his homeowners insurance could pick thing up for him. Kelly thanked me profusely, and went into the hospital to check on his wife. As I was leaving, I told him that I hoped his wife was okay, and to call me if he found his dog.
There's more to this whole story, but here's the thing. Kelly, as I learned a few days later from another source, was a complete fraud. He was NO Marine, had NO flooded home, had NO wife in the hospital, and had NO dog either. It was all an elaborate ruse to fraud the Red Cross, while 100's of people were flooded out and really needed help. It just happened that one of my Veteran buddies was there to help the Red Cross, and after talking to "Kelly", this guy developed more of his ruse to fit out veterans association's motto, Vets Helping Vets.
We were taken in by this fraud. Ex-cop and all, I was taken in by the elaborate story, and the belief that he was a recently discharged Marine. No ID to verify anything, and no family in the area to help. It just didn't seem right to turn another "Veteran" away in a time of need, and there was no way under the circumstances to verify anything.
So this month, our usual "donation" to a worthy cause, was sidelined by that con-artist. As my wife and discussed the whole thing, we had "given from the heart", with no expectation of anything in return. The way we saw it, its on that kid and God to work out what ever happens to him next. We gave, more as being the "right thing to do", and not for anything else, so we just can't look back with regret. Regret, that could cause us to not "give" again. On this time, we got burned. But we will not be thwarted from doing what we feel is right the next time.
To us, "giving" is just the right thing for us to do for those in need, or to those entities who care for "service dogs" and/or Veterans. As for people like Kelly? We will do what we can to better screen for such fraudulent people. We'll let God work things out with "Kelly". Who knows, as wrong as it was for him to con the Red Cross and us, he may just have bigger problems than we know.
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