Mean and Rude People

My wife and I were in a business the other day, and one of the clerks had such a scowl on her face, and was anything but friendly.

Last month, I was helping some older folks, and one of the men was being a real pain. He was short with those trying to help him, and was being very demanding about things that couldn't be helped.

Not long ago, I was waited on at a popular restaurant by a young woman who looked like she didn't want to be there, and treated me and a couple other guys like we were a bother to be there for lunch.

My wife has often asked ME, "What's wrong?", even though there wasn't anything that I knew of going on with me at the time. She would say that I had this "look", a scowl on my face.

All this made me think about people we run onto. People that leave us with a negative impression, and being rude to us, seemingly without cause. So why are some people that way? Maybe, just maybe, there is an underlying reason, and its not just to be rude.

The first woman I referred to, I have no idea what was wrong with her. But her "customer service" skills were totally lacking, compared to the two other people working around her. So why was she acting that way? I can't say, but will offer this up for consideration.

Maybe she was in emotional pain. Perhaps she had bad news before going to work. Maybe she was just tired (she appeared to be retirement age), and wished she was home. We can't know, but we need to think about what it could be like to walk a mile in her shoes!

The older man? He's a WWII Veteran, who saw combat during the Battle of the Bulge. Anyone knowing a little history will know that awful battle cost the United States military alone over 19,000 lives. Add to that, this man could not get around unassisted, and his children were not there to see him off. Walk a mile in HIS shoes!

The young waitress seemed distracted. Was she a single mother with kids at home, and couldn't be there with them? Any kids at home sick, while she had to work? Did she just have a bad break-up? No way to know, but people go around all the time with heavier burdens than many of us. Sometimes, those burdens are so heavy, its hard for them to not grimace under the weight that we can't see. To walk a mile in her shoes, would be the only way to know for sure.

I've been in combat, like hundreds of thousands of other guys during the Vietnam War. In some ways, I've had an underlying scowl on my face ever since. Add to that, the perfected a Cop's stare I had for many years, adding to the scowl. No excuses, and not asking anyone to walk in my shoes, but when I don't know it, I let the scowl show, and lead other people (sorry Honey!) to believe something is wrong. Most times, it's a less than conscious thought that shows on my face. Sometimes, and over the years its less frequent, it is a passing remembrance that seeps its pain outwardly.

All over the place, people carry burdens, and worries, and experiences, and can sometimes let that effect our interactions with others in a negative way. I know I need to work on my own issues. But what we can ALL do, is give other people a pass. Maybe even offer a kind word or gesture, when that's the last thing you might want to do under the circumstances.

Try it. I have, when I take the time to recognize the need. And watch the surprise on their face, when in spite of themselves, someone treats them better than the way they were treating others. (Most likely, they didn't even know.) Maybe, just maybe, that little gesture could redirect their day. It costs nothing to do really. And if it doesn't change anything, then you can go about your business, knowing you at least you didn't add to that person's burden.

A smile, a kind word, and gesture of good will, might just go a long way. Since we really can't walk a mile in other people's shoes, its the least we can do. And it costs nothing. (I would also suggest, the gesture might even up your own mood!)